You can change someone’s mind by losing yours!
I exaggerate, but not too much. Have you ever heard the expression, “Why, I have a mind to . . .”? The word “mind” refers to one’s intentions.
Here’s another one: “Boy, I’d like to give him a piece of my mind!” By “mind” is meant motivated opinion; feelings more than bare facts.
What does this have to do with changing someone’s mind? God’s Word tells us:
“The Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will.” – 2 Timothy 2:24-26 (NASB)
If you believe you’re right about something, it’s only natural to want others to agree with you. Sometimes that’s easy; just share your idea and your friend may go along with you. Other times, it takes more effort.
Why? Because the more important an issue is to someone, the less likely he or she will adopt a new opinion. And when it comes to spiritual matters, people seem to be fixed in their positions, unwilling to budge an inch.
But if you exercise spiritual leadership of any sort, if you have responsibility for the well-being of the souls of others, you can’t avoid challenging inadequate or erroneous interpretations and perspectives. You have to help people repent.
Start with yourself. It’s one thing to believe you’re right about, say, a Bible verse. It’s another thing to be pushy about it. God hasn’t called you to be a bully!
Look at the qualities cited in the Scripture passage above: servant-hearted, agreeable (the opposite of quarrelsome), kind, communicative, patient, and gentle. To adopt these traits, you must lose a mindset of aggressiveness, haughtiness, and self-assurance.
When you adopt godly virtues, you lose a belligerent and antagonistic tone. This doesn’t guarantee that people will buy what you say, but puts the focus of the conversation where it belongs: on the spiritual truth you’re trying to get across.
Psychologist Travis Bradberry likens this attitude to authenticity. He writes that “authentic people have too much self-respect to put up with people who treat them badly or have ill will toward them, and they have too much respect for other people to try to change them. So they let go–not out of anger, but out of their need to be true to themselves.”
When you’re true to who you are in Christ, when you think and behave like Jesus, you find the freedom to stick to your principles. You don’t cave to peer pressure.
But Bradberry overstates what respect entails. You can respect someone and try to alter their behavior. In fact, you may seek transformation in the life of a loved one precisely because you respect that person.
It depends on your motivation. According to author Paulo Coelho, “it is not time that changes man nor knowledge; the only thing that can change someone’s mind is love.” People can feel your concern; they can also sense your anger or disdain.
Love communicates, but it also releases. How then, can you change the mind of someone you care for?
You can’t, but God can!
The passage from 2 Timothy states that God grants repentance; He changes minds. But again, even this isn’t guaranteed. Notice the words “if,” “perhaps,” and “may”. It could be that God will use you to catalyze positive change in someone’s heart. But even if you don’t see those results, you can rest assured of two things.
First, you did the right thing for the right reasons. People like to communicate what they know. Even the shy and introverted among us will dare to speak up when they see people failing. Love offers help.
Second, you trusted the Lord. You demonstrate confidence in Jesus when you speak calmly. You show that you mean what you say when you leave the results of your conversations up to God. And you display hope in the Lord when you yield to Him time and space to work in someone’s life.
To change someone’s mind, change yours. Abandon self-serving and forceful motives. Let love give you poise in your demeanor and assurance in your heart. The Lord will honor your efforts, and you may see the fruits of your labor: souls liberated from prisons of evil and deception. That’s what God can do!
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